It hit like a bolt of lightening

Well maybe not quite that dramatic, probably more like one of those dreams where you're falling or when you miss a step. Let's admit it though, I had to get your attention somehow and if I'd started with; "It felt like I'd missed a stair." you probably wouldn't have read this far would you? 

Ok, I should probably explain a bit more. I'm Joe and I'm 38. 

Hello, nice to meet you. Thank you for joining me on this journey, even though you don't know where we're going yet and to be honest, I'm not sure I do either. 

You see, the thing is, I'm going to be a dad again. 

Congratulations? Why thank you, that really means a lot. I have a 15 year old son, Finn, from my first marriage who has lived with me since he was 8. My marriage broke down when he was 8 months old and his mum took him to live a couple of hundred miles away. I had him come to stay 1 week out of every 4 right up until he started school, then for school holidays until he decided he wanted to come and live with me permanently. All in all I think I got a pretty good deal for a single dad wouldn't you say? 

But how do I get from there to lightning bolts, missed stairs and being a dad again? I met Hanna 8 years ago thanks to a blind date set up by my first ever girlfriend. When I say girlfriend I mean we used to sit and do jigsaws together at play school and then stayed really close all through primary, only to become friends again properly years later. But she decided to set me up with her husband's cousin Hanna (Han for short), thinking we'd be a good match. Things weren't always plain sailing, we had a rocky time to start with and even went through a period where she didn't speak to me at all for 4 years. Eventually though we met up again and made friends, then fell for each other all over again (which was a bit of a surprise to both of us) and before we knew it here we are married, sitting in the waiting room at the hospital, 31 weeks into her first pregnancy with me writing this while she looks over my shoulder and occasionally giggles at my geekiness.  I can honestly say I've never been happier. 

Here she is, reading a pregnancy book called, "You Pee When You Sneeze" and trying to look all serious while ignoring me snapping pictures of her in a crowded waiting room. She says hi by the way. 

But back to our lightning bolt moment. Are you ready for some drama?

It was a dark, cold night. Outside,  the frost covered everything with a blanket of feathers as the arctic wind threatened to cut through any living creature unfortunate enough to be caught away from the shelter of home. Beside me Han lay sleeping softly, her breath a gentle purr as I lay dreaming. Suddenly a menacing voice slithered into my dream and whispered words that struck terror into my heart. As I sat bolt upright in bed, trembling with the sweat pouring from every inch of me those words that would change my life continued to echo through my brain ...

Ok, it wasn't quite that dramatic, but real life rarely is as exciting as in a book is it? You have to admit it sounded impressive though. 

In reality I was sitting on the sofa when the thought popped into my head and I had one of those moments of realisation that does give you a bit of a jolt. One short, simple sentence that is threatening to change my whole outlook and the way I live in the face of impending fatherhood. I suppose after all this build up you'd like to know what simple little thought could have such a drastic effect on a regular family man aren't you? It's simple really, sitting there contentedly heading towards 40 and looking forward to a new baby in the house, something really obvious snuck into my head to change it all. Five words (or four if you count numbers as one);

"You're not 23 anymore ..."